As all women know, each and every guy has his own style in approaching women. Some men boast they know exactly what’s going to get them an “in” with the ladies, but it seems most claim not to have a clue about what they’re doing. From a girl’s perspective, it seems insanely simple, but I’ll bet most guys will not like hearing what I have to say regarding what could be most effective and why.

In our culture men are supposed to approach, then girls welcome or rebuff these approaches. You can argue things have changed – “the 21st century encourages a less traditional view” — but for the majority of us out there, this is simply how it still goes. That said, I believe most women today appreciate and are flattered by guys approaching them. With the exception of a demure yet provocative “come hither” look, many girls will shoot at a cute guy across the bar, it will be the rare and “ballsy” girl who takes the initiative to actually approach a guy in a social setting. Someone has to initiate, and if you’re a guy, that person might as well be you. “You miss all the shots you don’t take.” Take Gretsky’s words to heart and seize the good opportunities. Believe me, as you get older, you don’t want to carry around regrets about missed chances with great girls.

I’ll bet you’re thinking, women get hit on so much by guys. Most seem like they don’t want to deal with yet another guy coming up and wasting their time. How do I know when to approach and how do I set myself apart? Don’t I need some hook or signature line? What if she just rejects me straight out in some horrible and humiliating way? What is it about some guys who seem to have such luck and others who always strike out? There has to be something I’m missing.

You’re right, there is! If this is your concern, let me offer this hint: both guys and girls need to accept that although it’s mostly a numbers game, it’s also about choosing when, why and how to approach to secure success. Understanding what women want goes a long way toward giving them that and gaining not just the attention, but even the admiration, of a great girl.

Before I sign off and go to Part 2: What Goes Wrong, let me leave you with this: no one can help who they are and are not attracted to. Chemistry is real and it’s either there or it’s not, usually right off the bat. It’s not really something that’s up for discussion. Approaching is hard because you don’t know if she’ll bite on your line, or bite your head off. However, keeping perspective goes a long way toward maintaining your resilience. Yes, a rejection is personal, but it’s not the real you if she doesn’t know you yet; it’s just the fleeting idea of you in a loud and noisy bar, or a bustling and distracting restaurant. Generally speaking, girls are more interested in personality than looks, so keep in mind maybe you were hooked the moment you saw her walk in, but she likely won’t be nearly as interested yet because she doesn’t know you. You want to have a chance? You’re going to have to go over and talk to her to see if chemistry is in your favor. After that, it’s part timing, part style, and luck of the draw. We’ll see if we can get you past “hello” in Parts 2 & 3.