When we date, we evaluate each date’s potential to be the one we choose, the one who rises to the top and with whom we wish to take the leap.  This leap could be one of many different actions, but it usually implies a commitment to something serious and enduring.  Everyone has their own criteria for who gets to move to the next level, and who gets left in the dust.  Our reasons can range from basic (he must have a job ) to obscenely picky (he must be at least five inches taller than me, hold exactly the same religious beliefs I do, and be fit enough to not just race, but place, in one full Ironman a year).  I’m not saying the lists are realistic, because usually they are not, but you have to give actively dating people props for trying to have standards.

I have noticed, however, that all reason, and worse, all adherence to the list, tends to fall apart in two very distinct cases.  How many times have you heard a guy complaining about a girl, about how psycho, financially foolish, or needy she is, only to hear him excuse it away with “but she’s hot”?  And how many times have you heard a girl go on and on about how controlling, disrespectful  or piggish her man is, and then explain how it’s okay because “he’s loaded”?  The objects of their desires may be reprehensible individuals with appalling lifestyles, but they make it clear this one attribute trumps all others. 

Now before anyone gets their boxers in a bunch over this, keep in mind this is merely an observation.  I am not suggesting this tendency holds true for everyone, but if you find this offensive, it’s likely because you’ve fallen into its trap once or twice.  Believe me when I say you are not alone.  According to Forbes.com, there are even many companies cashing in on this concept.  The owners of Natural Selection Speed Date Rich Guys & Hot Girls are making a fortune helping single people realize this very ideal, by bringing this desire out in the open.  They are pairing successful men and beautiful women, and to the indignance of some and the joy of others, it is working.

So, just how much crazy will a guy tolerate in a girl if she’s smoking hot?  Apparently a lot.  Are some guys really that superficial?  In a word, yep.  You can ask, “Dude, you know she’s insane and a total beotch, right?” and you won’t be all that shocked to hear him respond, “Yeah, but she’s hot.”   If the Bro Code of “How I Met Your Mother” holds true, there is a strong contingent of men honoring Barney’s Hot Crazy Scale: A girl is allowed to be crazy as long as she is equally hot.  Does this mean we women should be killing ourselves with intensive workouts and getting all the plastic surgery money can buy, and forget about being nice?  Only if we want to end up with a guy who falls for the fake boobs and tight buns, and then loses interest when age starts to take its toll.

And on the flip side, just how much disrespect will a girl tolerate in a guy if he’s filthy rich?  Apparently a lot.  Are there girls who are really that materialistic?  In a word, yep.  The idea of marrying into money is still as appealing to a lot of women today as it was back when  Marilyn Monroe, Lauren Bacall, and Betty Grable starred in “How to Marry a Millionaire”.   Does this mean all you men had better start making good with that rich Uncle Jed, betting everything on that business plan you’ve been sitting on, and forget about being nice?  Only if you want to end up with a woman who loves your bank account as much as, or more than, she loves you, and is ready to ditch you the first time you say “no” to a purchase.

Mimi’s advice?  Decide what you really want and need, then stick to your guns.   If you really can’t do without the shapeliness or the millions, then commit to it.  However, keep in mind that a long-term commitment should be based upon enduring traits.  Try not to let one thing, especially something ephemeral like beauty or wealth, sway you into buying into a bad relationship.  Mark my words: If you settle for less, you will pay for it later.

Blind dates and nearly-blind first dates are all too common these days, now that online connections are practically dominating our social interactions.  No longer is it typical to meet a potentially dateable guy at gatherings of mutual friends, where you can get a breakdown of his personality, dating history and other tidbits straight from trusted friends’ mouths.  Now it is much more likely the guy you’re going out with Friday night is merely someone with whom you happen to share a handful of Facebook friends or you’ve shared “guided communication” on eHarmony.  You’ve probably shared pics but never met in person…until now.   In this situation knowing what to expect is much harder.  Figuring out what, if anything, happens next is nearly impossible. 

Suppose you go on one of these nearly-blind dates, and your companion turns out to be a decent guy, pleasant and well-mannered.  So far you’re interested and would be open to another date.  Since you barely know the guy, how do you determine if he’s interested?  Granted, when he saw you he didn’t duck out the back door or immediately fake a family emergency.  But is he setting the stage for Date #2?  Let’s take a look at his behavior and see.  

Attracted?

Is he making much eye contact?  No matter how shy he may be, if he finds you attractive he won’t be able to keep his eyes off you.  Is he commenting on how attractive you are to him?  An interested guy will exclaim “You’re gorgeous!” or “You’re so much prettier than your photos.”  He’ll find a way to compliment you on something.  Is he making excuses for casual touches?  An attracted guy will touch your arm or your back as he leads you to the dinner table or through a door, or will place his hand on yours for emphasis while telling a story.

Interested?

Is he smiling a lot?  An intrigued guy will smile a lot and even laugh when you attempt something funny.  Is he actively engaged in the conversation?  Is he asking lots of questions about you and your interests?  An interested man will find your conversation fascinating and will want to keep it going.  Did you agree to meet just for one drink?  A guy who is pleasantly surprised by his interest in you will offer to spend more time, and try to extend your date to a second drink or maybe a meal.

Gentlemanly?

Is he comfortable just hanging out?  An interested guy won’t be distracted and focused on flagging down the waiter to get the bill.  Is he being generous?  An eager-to-impress guy will be happy to pay the bill and will wave off your offer to split it.  Does he open the door for you and insist upon walking you to your car?  A guy hoping to rate for Date #2 won’t just shake your hand at the door, say “It was very nice to meet you,” and stride off.  He will want to milk those last few minutes out of your date, ensure you make it to your car safely, and leave you with a good impression.

And finally, has he offered up the second date?  An attracted man will speak openly of the possibility of a next meeting and perhaps even try to set one up during the first date.  For instance, if you discover you’re both hockey fans, he’ll suggest “Next time let’s go to a game”.

Individually you can’t take any one of these situations to definitively mean there’s no second date on the horizon.  However, if a pattern of lacking interest starts to emerge, don’t despair!  Just excuse yourself as pleasantly and gracefully as possible, and prepare to move your focus to Mr. Next-in-Line.

Do you think your guy might be cheating?  Let’s be honest, you know your relationship better than anyone.  The fact you’re asking the question in the first place means something is probably wrong.  Follow your instincts, and if your gut tells you something is off, then you have every right to check it out.  There are ways to tell if you’re right, and no, those don’t include hacking his Facebook or email accounts, or snooping through his phone.  (Those are signs of being a paranoid and psycho girlfriend, not a cheating boyfriend)

People cheat for many reasons, and the odds are not in our favor when it comes dodging that bullet.  The sad fact is some people are just cheaters.  We may not be able to prevent it, but identifying cheating behavior can help you deal with it in an effective manner.  If you’re worried your man is seeing someone else, don’t overreact.  Take a look at some of the clues below.  If you see him in a lot of these, there’s a good chance your boy is a cheater.

Has he suddenly become distant?  If your man has gone from hot, or even lukewarm, to cold, then something is amiss. But before you assume it’s another woman, why not just ask him?  It could be work pressures or a number of other things, so try finding out what’s on his mind before jumping to any conclusions.

Has he become overly attentive to you?  Perhaps love lit a romantic fire under his butt, but this could also be his guilt spilling out.  Especially puzzling will be if he starts buying you gifts, even expensive ones, when before he never did. If he is cheating, as he becomes more wrapped up in her, this will diminish fairly quickly.

Has he cheated before?  ”Once a cheater, always a cheater” isn’t 100% accurate, but it is a pretty fair predictor of fidelity.  Some people will cheat no matter what you do, because they’ll never be happy with one person.  Maybe it’s the thrill of the chase, or the excitement that comes from an illicit affair, but whatever the reason, cheating types feed on it and you can’t prevent it.

Has he started using lame excuses for not hanging out?  If he’s going to visit his Aunt Eunice in her nursing home one evening a week, when before he only went at Christmas, something’s up.  There’s a reason if those lame excuses become habitual.

Has he started talking frequently about the problems a friend, neighbor, classmate, or coworker of the opposite sex is having?  The sudden interest in someone of the opposite sex is a big red flag.

Has he accused you of cheating, with no basis for the accusation?  If he has no evidence, and seems to be grasping, there’s a chance he’s cheating.  To divert attention away from his own infidelity, he’s pointing the finger at you.  It’s called projection, and it’s pretty typical.  

Has he started being secretive about stuff he never cared about before?  Is he getting weird about you looking over his shoulder when he’s on his laptop, when before he used to call you over all the time to see some great video?  Has he changed passwords or introduced a passkey on his phone?  If he’s never done this before, he’s hiding something.

Has he snapped at you for no good reason?  A guilty conscience might be to blame if he lost his temper just because you asked him what he did last Sunday or mentioned a female friend of his. If you are making normal inquiries, but he responds angrily, demanding to know why you are checking up on him, something is wrong. It is common for a cheater to get defensive instead of just coming clean.  If his snapping usually leads to an argument where he always storms out, this could also be affording him the opportunity to visit a lover.

Has he started wearing different clothes or did he dramatically change his hairstyle?  Is he all of a sudden intent upon getting his abs “shredded”?  Well, maybe he’s just trying to update his look, or maybe he’s trying to impress someone new. You know your man’s habits, routines and preferences, and you have a right to be suspicious when these things change suddenly and without any apparent reason.

Has he stopped showing any interest in talking about your future together, in having sex with you, or has even suggested you both see other people?  Chances are he’s already got another person, not only in mind, but in bed.