Trust me. I’m a woman, I know.

Sure, when my girlfriends and I are out and about for an evening, we’ll get approached by guys and if they’re doing something gimmicky or firing probing questions a mile a minute hoping they’ll eventually be allowed “in”, we’ll impatiently let them finish. Are any of us romantically intrigued? Doubtful, and even if any of us were, it’s not because of the gimmick or the barrage of edgy questions. In fact, it would be despite all that nonsense.

Finding an “in” is not nearly as difficult as guys tend to make it.

Most any girl will claim she loves a sense of humor, but it’s not the ONLY thing she looks for. She wants attraction, chemistry, and an air of romance. If she doesn’t sense those right away, no amount of quick-witted humor or over the top enthusiasm is going to help her see a guy as anything other than a desperate goofball. Remember when guys used to just hang out and act like guys? Playing it cool actually works, most of the time anyway.

Just to give you an example, I recently met a guy who thought he was being edgy in his approach, and totally missed his mark.

My division at work was doing a community service project last week, and in addition to some office tasks I was also assigned the job of photographer for the project. I was thrilled with this, since I could move around, talk to everyone, and even meet some new people.

There was one reasonably attractive guy, about my age, who I didn’t recognize. I walked up, introduced myself and we chatted briefly about what each of us does for our company. As everyone split up to join their separate project teams, he walked over, gave a jaunty smirk, and declared, “So, you’re pregnant?”

My first thought was “Wow, these t-shirts are really unflattering”, and then my next thought was “Joining a gym on my way home TODAY.”

When he saw the stricken look on my face, and realized the joke wasn’t playing, he backpedaled and tried to explain how it was funny because it obviously wasn’t true but the photog’s job for these projects is usually the girl who’s pregnant and can’t be around paint fumes or do heavy-duty landscaping.

Yeah, hilarious.

Later in the day, he approached once again, and this time made a similarly “innocent” joke about how I couldn’t be much older than he, and that the potential for my being pregnant was certainly reasonable.

Okay great, now I’m also obviously “older”? (And still appearing

pregnant?) Guys, you can see how this joking around with personal stuff can backfire, and spiral into insulting, right? I was bracing to see what awkward piece of personal info he might demand next: How much I weigh? Maybe how much I make? Ooh, perhaps he’ll find it hilarious to take a stab at whether I’m Italian, Mexican or South American? As my friend Brian said, I should have let him go ahead and shoot for the trifecta of TMI.

Instead, I took the low road, and almost drowned him with a tsunami of random personal info. Yeah, it wasn’t mature, but it sure felt good.

And then I watched the smart, attractive, but too-clueless-for-me guy walk away, wondering why he hadn’t just offered to help me take pics instead of trying to be the Howard Stern of my day.

So what’s the lesson here, guys? It’s not about going above and beyond to make a memorable impression. Girls want to be noticed, respected and appreciated. Make her feel special, not stricken, and you’ll be remembered…the right way. If she feels good about your encounter, no matter how innocent or seemingly uneventful, she’ll let you come back for more.