I’m sure you’ve heard this joke before:
A woman was walking down the street. Without warning, she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple dollars for dinner.
The woman took out her wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?”
“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless woman replied.
“Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?” the woman asked.
“No, I don’t waste time shopping,” the homeless woman said. “I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.”
“Will you spend this at a beauty salon instead of food?” the woman asked.
“Are you NUTS?” asked the homeless woman. “I haven’t had my hair done in twenty years!”
“Well,” said the woman, “I’m not going to give you the money. Instead, I’m going to take you out for dinner with my husband tonight.”
The homeless woman was astounded. “Won’t your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I’m dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.”
The woman replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.”
You have to admit, this makes an excellent point.
Men around the world resoundingly state they want “a low-maintenance woman”. What they mean is they want that mythical woman whose face and thighs are flawless, and who looks perfectly fresh-faced, hair-free and naturally glowing without any effort whatsoever. It is also apparently highly important she can be ready for anything in under five minutes after getting out of bed.
I have news for the men of the Triangle: women have to try to look good au naturel, and this requires…*gasp*…maintenance.
Now I don’t want to have a high-maintenance psychochick discussion here, because there are many different kinds of maintenance and I am only here now to discuss the physical one. The emotional and financial ones – where the women are challenging or volatile, require a ridiculous amount of attention, or carry a whacked sense of entitlement — will have to wait for another day and another discussion. What I want to talk about is how guys always seem pleased to be with a nice-looking and put-together woman, but they proudly lack appreciation for how difficult it is to achieve that “effortless” or “low-maintenance” look or demeanor.
I want to emphasize here we’re expected to try, and men, if you want beautiful women on your arms, have to understand it takes work. Most men don’t want to imagine the plucking, trimming, shaving, lunges, lasering, creams, hours in the nail and hair salons, working out, shopping for flattering clothing, squeezing into Spanx, or (the big evil) needing makeup. I’m sorry to burst anyone’s bubble, but most women aren’t physically attractive enough to garner initial attention without making those efforts. A dazzling personality, striking intellect and great sense of humor are highly prized, and rightfully so, but who’s going to notice these until someone takes the time to speak with the girl? Most guys I know don’t go into a bar hoping to meet the dumpiest girl there, because “it’s what’s underneath that’s really important”. In fact, they’re usually too entranced by the busty blonde who’s in the tight mini dress and impossibly fabulous shoes to even notice the average-looking girls.
I acknowledge overdoing it can be an issue. We have all expressed shock at Heidi Montag’s $30K plastic makeover and at how stretched and scary the clinging-to-youth-with-every-ounce-of-their-being women like Joan Rivers look. Even the rare few who successfully achieve “beautiful” can still find themselves out of luck, as a gorgeous and highly made-up woman can be intimidating. I hear this makes a man self-conscious, wondering if he’s good-looking enough to bang her. Ahh, if only it were about the confidence a man may have, knowing he had been trying hard as well to present his best.
All I’m really trying to say here is we just want our efforts to be appreciated, encouraged and supported. We take great pride and invest great effort into our looks. Having “our best” on your arms shouldn’t be a problem, right? I beg you to get over the whole “low-maintenance” pledge made between beers and belches with your buddies, and realize we’re only trying to improve. Who knows, maybe you’ll realize a little effort on your end wouldn’t hurt either! We women are all suckers for a well-groomed guy, perhaps because we can appreciate just how much work it takes to pull off that natural and effortless glow.
Chris Rock says “all women are liars” because we wear heels, make-up and push-up bras, and we manipulate our looks to make ourselves appear better. I am proud to say I resemble that remark, and can’t wait to find a man who enjoys and supports just how much of a liar I am.
