We’ve all had very promising first dates that left us feeling embarrassed, awkward, shocked, or disappointed. These dates are the worst, because they also come with hopes-dashing realization at least one of you isn’t willing to chance date #2. As frustrating as it may be to accept, often the inability to get to a second date has nothing to do with a lack of chemistry, attraction, or compatibility. The culprit is usually a silly slip-up causing one of you to think “whoa, that’s a red flag”, and then it’s over before it has begun.
As a culture, we Americans tend to be very picky on the first date(s), allowing the smallest of details to turn us off. More times than we’d like to admit, we’ve all been just like Ally McBeal gawking with disgust at the Salad Dressing Guy. We are all guilty of observing some simple action or noticing a minute flaw, obsessing over it, and inevitably finding it impossible to ignore. The best we can do is be aware of this impulse and try not to let it foil our present and future dating efforts. Dating missteps happen to the best of us. Giving our date the benefit of the doubt is the least we can do, because that’s exactly what we want in return.
Speaking of leniency, there are some pretty easy-to-avoid mistakes you can keep in mind when you’re first out and trying to get to know someone. You’re on your own with the accidental booger hanging from your nose or the uncontrollable gas and cramps your Taco Truck lunch caused, but I can provide a list of the most common and avoidable deal breakers in the “getting to know you” game. These certainly aren’t the only ones, but knowing to side-step these gives a better chance of sending your date home thinking “hmm, potential” rather giving in to that “ugh, never again” gut reaction. Vow not to give your date a lame reason to back off before he’s even gotten the chance to know you! You know you’re not that person, so make sure your date does too. And if he or she starts down one of these paths, try a gentle nudge in the right direction before you write him or her off.
The first no-no is over-communicating. Are you talking non-stop? Constantly complaining? Firing preplanned questions like it’s an interview? Telling racist, sexist, or dirty jokes “to ease the tension”? Disclosing some highly personal information? Preaching zealously about your religion or political stance? Just because you’re preventing silence doesn’t mean you are making a good impression or encouraging the discovery process. Chances are you’re making your date highly uncomfortable and imposed upon, and on your way to scaring him/her away. This isn’t really you, is it? Try to take it easy, keep it lighthearted, and enjoy the process of simply getting to know someone.
The worst over-communicating offense is whining, pining, ranting or even just talking about past relationships. Baggage is not sexy, and neither is drama. Don’t leave your date wondering if all that built-up anger, bitterness, or sadness will someday be directed at them. Just be awesomely over your past and ready to welcome the potential in front of you.
Worse than over-communicating with your date is over-communicating with everyone else. Yes, I mean cell phone shenanigans. The best way to let your date know how unimportant she is to you is by letting everyone who has your phone number barge in on your time together. Constantly checking your phone is the same as scanning a room for a bigger, better deal. Emergencies happen, and those must be dealt with, but text banter with a buddy can wait and so can the video someone just shared to your Facebook wall. You promised this time to each other, so honor it.
Another red flag is treating the service or staff like you just peeled them from the bottom of your shoe. Your service may not be perfect, but there’s no need to go to extremes when showing your displeasure. What your date will see is your impatience and temper, and wonder if you are also mean to animals and children as well. He will also figure this is how you will treat him later in the relationship. Be an adult, be tolerant, and don’t allow the details to be disruptions from an otherwise enjoyable date.
The biggest red flag is pre-date lying. Lying to impress a date is always a no-no, no matter how common it is in the world of Internet dating. Resist the temptation to pad your dating resume when making an online profile or when making arrangements for your date. Nothing says I’m desperate and not worthy of another date more than finding out you fudged a few “small details” to seem more appealing.
Basically, try to show your even, balanced, honest and open side. Show your date, through example with your actions, that you honor your commitments, you are fun to be around, and you know how to respect other people. A little goes a long way when you’re making first impressions, and aiming for second dates. Don’t be the one to provide the goof-up that leaves him or her wanting less.
